Till we meet again
by junkipii
Summary: After destroying the reapers, will Nessa Shepard be strong enough to fight against death and return to the living? Will Kaidan's mind me strong enough to fight against odds. Shenko. Rated M for future gore and smut. 'ts my first fanfic series with chapters. Reviews will be always welcome. Bioware owns the Mass Effect universe, I'm just adding a bit by bit.
1. Death

The flames were surrounding her. She heard loud explosions around her and she knew it was over for her, she had complited her final mission. Her life flashed before her eyes, from the day she was born, to final hours on the Normandy, seeing her friends, her crew, her family. All those moments, all those faces, she saw them clearly. The last thing she heard was his voice, his low and soothing voice in her ears.

"_Ah, Nessa. You – you will find a way to win. I know it. And when you do, I'll be waiting._

"_I've always loved you. Through all these years, through.. through everything... I'm the luckiest man alive."_

"_Don't get me wrong! I'm going to fight like hell for the chance to hold you again."_

"_I can't lose you again."_

_"Don't leave me behind.."_

"_I love you, Nessa..."_

She smiled and whispered: "I love you, Kaidan.." and the final explosion made her scream from pain, and after that it was sweet, peaceful silence.

* * *

**Current Location: SSV Normandy SR-2, Unknown**

Something felt wrong, put he couldn't put a finger on it what it was. He knew he was sleeping, but the bed wasn't the soft as it used to be. The room didn't smell like it usually smelled like: vanilla. It smelled more like clean and antispetic.

First he opened his other eye to check where he was, before opening the other. Now he was sure. He wasn't in her cabin. Instead he was laying on a bed in the med bay. How long has he been out? He sat up and looked around and it was quiet, there was no one there. The IV was dripping a clear liquid to inside of his elbow, his side bandaged and bloody. Oh yes, he had been hurt. Not too badly though, couple of broken ribs he thought. He laid back down and massaged his temples. The uneasy feeling was still there.

He closed his eyes before he opened them again remembering that Nessa had made him stay behind and continue the war by herself. He quickly sat up and pulled the IV from his arm. It stung. Standing up was hard, his ribs were hurting, but despite the pain, he had to find out what happened to her. Limping slowly towards the door he heard some quiet murmurs coming from the mess. He opened the door and quietly listened to the crew talking. They all seemed so tired and sad, like they had lost someone. Slowly limping he walked towards them.

"Hey, what are you talking about?" He asked, looking at the tired crew.

Everyone turned to look at Kaidan, some with sadness, some with fear, but mostly, they were all tired. He sat down on the free chair between Joker and Liara. The conversation fell quiet.

"What happened?" He asked with consern.

"The crucible was activated. All the reapers were destroyed, but the force also destroyed all the mass relays. It's over." said Garrus with a quiet voice. Garrus pressed his hand on his forehead.

With sigh of relief Kaidan smiled a bit and murmured "Finally, it's all over." He looked around. One chair was empty. It was her chair.

"Where's Nessa?" he asked. He heard quiet sobbing next to him. Liara was now sobbing in her hands. One by one, crew started to either sobbing or wiping away tears.

"Where is she?" he asked again, now with more serious voice. Through the sobbing he could hear someone reciting the prayer that Alliance usually recited in the honor of the fallen.

_Let the sounds of strife, the cries of battle, the wounds of war  
be calmed for all eternity in Your loving and endless grace.  
Let these great warriors find rest at last,  
Ever reminded that we who are left behind  
Cherish their spirit, honor their commitment,  
send them our love._

Something in him suddenly clicked and in rage he ran towards the soldier who had recited and hitting him right in the jaw. That didn't soothe his anger and with that, he hit the poor soldier again. He would have continued hitting him, if it wasn't for Vega who was now holding him and his arms.

"Stop praying you all! She isn't gone! She isn't dead!" Kaidan struggled against Vega. "She'll be back! She promised she will!"

"Kaidan, she's gone man.. No way she survived." Joker whispered between his sobs. "She's gone.. we all lost her, not only you.."

"**Stop bullshitting me! She's not dead!**" he yelled in anger and his biotics flared up. His head hurt but he didn't care. Before he could do more damage, he felt a needle in his arm and saw Chackwas injecting him. He started feeling woozy and his feet were gone underneath him. Before he slipped to unconciousness, he heard a quiet sob leave his mouth and now tears were flowing down his eyes.

"She promised me.. that she would come back to me.. She promised.." he whispered before falling unconcious.


	2. Personal Hell

**Writers notes: Thanks for the reviews guys. I kinda thought the start was meh, but apparently I did pretty good. (Self-praise, BOO!) Anyways, this is how we going to roll.**

When Vanessa came to, she was sitting in the mess of Normandy SR-1. Stretching her arms she stood up and looked around. It was still intact, the good old Normandy. She smiled as the crew we're laughing at some joke Jenkins had just told about Eden Prime. The crew noticed their XO and saluted her, to which she answered and left them alone as she headed towards the elevator and went down to storage. She saw Ashley there cleaning her guns, it was little hobby of hers when she wanted to relax.

"Heya ma'am. What are you doing here?" She said in her cheerful voice.

"Just looking around and reminiscensing of everything that was once here." She looked at her with a smile and sat on the floor.

"So, this is death then, huh? We're in heaven?" Vanessa thought out loud.

"Yeah, if you believe in that kinda of stuff. But it's not half bad to be honest. I was wishing for more half-naked men, booze and parties." Ash laughed to which Vanessa joined. She had missed Ash so much after her death. Both of them fell silent after their laughter.

"You know, you aren't supposed to be here." Ash murmured sadly. "Even though it's fun having you here Shep." That startled Vanessa.

"How come? I'm dead aren't I? My job is done already. This is my happy place right here." she said hugging her knees and resting her forehead on her own knees.

"On the contrary, your job is far from done. Your job right now is to live a happy life. Your job is to live.." Ash said, whispering the last word so quietly, she barely heard it.

"But I'm..." Vanessa looked startled before she heard the ship exploding around her. It was getting harder for her to breath. The explosions around her were getting closer and louder. She could feel the fire around her.

"Ash, we need to leave..!" Vanessa stood up whilst catching her breath. Ash's body was on the floor of, puddle blood surrounding her, her skin scorched. She was dead, again. Vanessa let a little sob looking at her fallen comrade, her fallen friend. She had lost her, again.

Before she could run away, she felt the gravity pull her. The explosion had destroyed Normandy and now she was again getting spaced, not able to breathe. This was definitely not heaven; she was in her personal hell.

* * *

**Current location: Leonov Alliance Base, Moscow, Russia 1 month later.**

"Doctor, tell me straight, is it safe to transport him or not?!" Hackett raised his voice at the poor doctor.

"Admiral, I'm not sure about this." Muttered Genadi Lebedev. "He's suffering from PTSD and depression. He refuses to eat or talk so we had to hook him to an IV. The closest people to him visit him daily, tell him the news that have been going on. Sometimes he smiles, but then he goes to his own world again. Our nurses tell me that he keeps having nightmares at night and he screams. We always have to sedate him. We can't even mention Shepards name without him being agressive towards us. We had to chackle him not to let him hurt himself or our staff. So no, with all due respect Admiral, it isn't safe to transport him yet."

Hackett massaged his temples and grunted. "I need to see the Major Doctor Lebedev."

"With all due respect Admiral.." the poor doctor didn't even manage to finish the sentence.

"Now! I'm not going to ask you again doctor!" Hackett never had raised his voice, but now he couldn't stop himself. The doctor shook his head. "Right this way Admiral."

Both of them walked in silence to the medical center. Doctor Lebedev broke the silence when they stood behind the door of Kaidan's room. "I thought Admiral's didn't remember all of their subordinates or even care about them. Why is Major Alenko so special?"

Hackett pursed his lips together and straightened himself. After a low sigh, doctor Lebedev opened the door. Hackett took a step forward to the room and whispered so quietly that only the doctor could hear it. "It was Shepards wish, if something happened to her, that Kaidan would have been taken care of. He deserves that at least." Doctor was left speechless as Hackett had entered the room and shut the door behind him.


	3. Hungry Eyes

**Writers comments: So since I'm on a sick leave and too tired from laying in bed, I decide to post 4 chapters today. My mind is blowing up with ideas since I'm doing nothing except thinking. So let's hope you enjoy them.**

The room where Kaidan was clean and white. The room didn't have anything metallic One wall was completely a window, so patient's could see the beautiful city that opened outside. It was snowing on the Red Square. Almost everything in the room was made of plastic. Some classical music was playing in the room quietly. Hackett entered the room and the first thing he noticed was Kaidan sitting on his bed, hancuffed, looking out of the window, IV dripping in his arm. His hair has grown and it was unkempt. The five o'clock shadow he used to wear resembled more like a beard now. He looked tired and he had grew older by 10 years, dark shadows across his face. Kaidan's eyes, usually lively and brown were now cold and glassy. Hackett took the closest chair and it scraped the floor. Kaidan didn't react to the noise, he just tapped his fingers together.

"Major.." Hackett coughed and sat down when he didn't get any reaction out of Kaidan "Kaidan... How are you?" Silence. He should have known that there would be no answer. "I heard the crew from Normandy visits you daily. Even though they are busy, they visit." He looked at the azalea flowers on the night stand.

"I talked to you mother Kaidan. She's doing okay, little shaken from the last battle, but she's ok. She wishes to see you, but can't travel at the moment. She misses you alot." Hackett looked at Kaidan, still nothing.

Hackett crossed his hands on his own lap and listened to the soft music in the background, with Kaidan's tapping. After a while, the song changed to an old 20th century song. The soft melody with a man singing about hungry eyes. Kaidan chuckled softly and stopped tapping his surprised Hackett.

"This was Shepard's favorite song.." He said with a raspy voice. "The funny thing was, she was a bad dancer, but loved movies like Dirty Dancing." while he talked, you could hear from his voice, he was smiling.

* * *

_Kaidan had days when he couldn't sleep, even when he was tired. Today was one of those days. He sighed and decided if he couldn't sleep, he should run by the mess and get something warm to drink. Maybe it could help him sleep. He put on his pants that were neatly folded on the chair, a hoodie and headed towards the mess. The mess hall seemed abandoned so he made himself some hot chocolate from Shepard's secret stash. A smile rose to his lips as he took a sip from the mug. On a whim he decided to go see if she was awake, he knew she was a bad sleeper._

_As he rose with the elevetor to the Captains Cabin, he could hear a faintly a man singing about hungry eyes. The elevator door slowly opened and now the song was playing louder. He could hear faint steps of Shepard and then cussing. As the door of the cabin opened, he could see what was going on: Shepard was **trying** to dance, but failing miserably. She would cuss but continue bravely. She was covered in sweat even though she was dancing in her tiny boxer shorts and her bra._

"_So, this is what Commanders of a ship do on their spare time", Kaidan said teasingly, leaning on the wall. Shepard was flustered and blushing when she got caught._

_"Do you know how to knock, **Major**?" she gave him an angry glare. He walked foward couple of steps and put his mug on the counter._

"So what's with the moves?" he grinned.

"_I thought dancing would come in handy in, err.. missions." she mumbled, scratching her neck like she always did, when she was nervous or hiding something. Kaidan laughed and put his hands on her hips._

_"Ok, just follow my lead Nessa."_

"_What are you doing Kaidan?"_

"_Teaching you how to dance."_

_"Look whose talking, Mr.4 legs here. You dance worse than me." she pouted as Kaidan tilted his head back and started laughing._

_"I doubt that, but I have some cards up my sleeve. Just put your arms around my neck" he ordered quietly against her ear, his lips touching it. Shepards knees went weak and she wrapped her arms around his neck and they started swaying with the music. Shepard looked up at the handsome major, who was looking at her the whole time they swayed. The smile slowly reached both of their lips. There were some invisible sparks and gravitation between them as they continued swaying. Everything around them disappeared and they were only focused at each other. Kaidan leaned slowly towards the small figure in front of him and took her lips in to hers. She answered to his hunger with a kiss. There was no question about it, they had to have each other right now. He lifted her up, never leaving her lips alone as he walked towards the bed. That night their bodies melted together as they made love under the stars._

* * *

"Kaidan.. we found Shepard" Hackett said. Everything tensed in Kaidans body and he turned to look at Hackett.

"What...?" Kaidans eyes widened with a mix of shock and joy.

"We found her Kaidan. We found her barely alive. Hell, she's barely alive now but she's hanging out of her last life line. That's the reason I came here today to pick you to see her..." Hackett murmured. Kaidan pulled the restrains, but it didn't help. He was stuck.

"Well what are we waiting for, untie me and let's go." Kaidan pulled the restrains again.

"It's not that simple Kaidan. You can't leave here, not yet anyway." Hackett coughed and scratched his temples.

"Why?"

"I have pulled way too many strings already. You can't leave before the good doctor Lebedev clears you healthy enough to travel. Even if you were well enough to travel, you would still need theraphy in Vancouver for a long time." Hackett stood up and looked at Kaidan. "Can you do that first, get better? I doubt you would like her to see you like this when she wakes up."

"I'll do anything, anything to see her." He gritted his teeth. There was a moment of silence before Hackett turned away to walk away.

"Admiral.. Thank you..." he whispered. Hackett nodded and whispered back before leaving: "Just hurry Kaidan, I don't know how long she will be with us.. She needs a miracle, and you are her miracle.." And the room fell silent again.


	4. Hope

"_I thought you were dead Shepard, we all did.." _Her eyes flew open when she heard his voice, her anxious eyes scanning the darkness.

"Kaidan?" her lips shaked in confuse.

"_I thought we had something Nessa, something real. I loved you.. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that?" _His accusing voice made bile rise to her mouth.

"I didn't want that Kaidan, I really didn't. I love you, Kaidan. Please, trust me please. " there were tears in her eyes. The scenery changed in front of her very own eyes. The sceenery, the houses were very familiar. She was in Horizon. Those dark memories returned to her. This was the place of her nightmares. The place she had lost Kaidan.

"You betrayed me Nessa.." Kaidan looked down at her, with darkness burning in his eyes. "You betrayed everyone.."

"No I didn't. I'm still he..." her sentence was cut short in realisation that she was still indeed very dead.

"You left me behind.." the last words of his were heartbreaking. A familiar sound caught her attention. Seeker swarms were closing on them.

"Run Kaidan, run!" her voice strained. The seeker swarms were getting closer and closer. Her attention shifted to the spot Kaidan had previously been in. He was gone. A hint of a smile was on her lips when the seeker swarms attacked her body, eating her flesh. The pain was nothing compared to the pain she felt inside. She closed her eyes.

There was a loud hum, then quietness and the swarms were gone. She opened her eyes again and was looking straight at the Human-Reaper. The horror crept inside her mind and the chills crept up her spine. She was backing from the Reaper, looking frantically for her weapon. She had none. The Reapers eyes flashed and looked straight at her.

"You can't escape me Shepard... You can never escape me.." the Reapers' cold mechanical voice hummed before it's arm grabbed her by her waist and hauled her with him to the pit, Nessa had once send it. She let out an earpiercing scream.

* * *

_**Current location: Leonov Alliance Base, Moscow, Russia 2 months later.**_

The snow had completely painted the scenery white, when the doctor let Kaidan roam in the park next to the hospital for the first time. Of course he never went anywhere unsupervised. With him were 2 gorilla sized guards, who spoke only some English they knew. He sighed and shook his head lightly. There was a railing to which he leaned and looked more closely at the city now. It was slowly starting to rebuilt after the reaper attack. Even though there were so much destruction around, many of the families had returned to the park sledding the tiny hills and ice-skating. The kids happily laughing and playing while their parents looking over their young ones, made Kaidan realise there was still hope amongst all the chaos that happened, all the destruction and horror. The hope had returned amonst the people, the children in which the future was held in.

There was a sharp shriek on the ice, which made Kaidan jolt. A child had fallen on her skates and was crying for mother. Kaidan walked over the fallen child and crouched over her and brushed some snow of her head. The child sniffled as she looked at Kaidan with her big blue eyes. Kaidan couldn't stop himself from smiling. Somehow she reminded him of Nessa. The child stared at Kaidan for a while before she put her tiny hand on his nose and chuckled, which made him chuckle too.

A woman hurriedly rushed to the childs side and told something to her in Russian. The child took the womans hand tightly and gripped it. The old woman straightened and started talking something in Russian towards Kaidan. The only thing he could understand in her speech, was "Spasibo". He looked behind him and asked one of the gorillas: "What did she say?"

"She was thanking you, Major. She was helping the other children put on their skates, when she had disappeared. She searched her everywhere, when she found her with you." The other one said with broken English.

"Where are her parents?"

"Her parents died when the reapers hit Russia. That woman is the headmistress of the orphanage here." Kaidan turned to look at the child again with sad eyes and brushed her blonde hair. There was a butterfly pin on her hair. The child who didn't seem to care, put her tiny hands on his nose again. He smiled and kissed her tiny cold hands.

After thank yous and goodbyes Kaidans break was over and the three men walked quietly towards the Alliance base. He could see Joker, Liara and Garrus were standing in front of the base, Joker as always shaking his arm furiously at him. He's going to seriously break his bones on his arm soon.

"Men, I think I can handle myself to my room now. I need time with my crewmates." he looked at the Russian gorillas. They both looked hesitant.

"I'm not thinking of running away if you have thought about it. I already understand that its impossible to run away from the past 3 times I have tried it." he sighed. The gorillas just nodded at each other and left to their own business. The freedom of 2 minutes felt relieving. He jogged towards his crewmates and they headed towards Kaidan's room inside.


	5. A Butterfly

"I'm not kidding, everywhere I look at, I only see butterflies. I'm getting tad paranoid already." Joker said mouth full of food. He had taken Kaidans bed, but it didnt seem to bother Kaidan, who sat on the armchair and looked outside. Joker wasn't kidding, there was a butterfly on every building, every ruin, every landmark.

"That's a tribute." Liara said as she took a sip of her tea.

"A tribute, for what?" The curiosity in Garrus's voice made Kaidan smile as he ran his finger on the top of his lip. He could feel the stare of Liara at back of his head and he knew what she was about to say.

"For Shepard." Liara said smiling sadly. "The butterflies are the way people are thinking Shepard for saving all their lives."

"But why a butterfly? Why not a gun, or **Normandy**!?" Joker said with such enthusiasm, that Kaidan had to laugh a bit.

"It was more than fitting. Vanessa is greek for butterfly. In animal symbolism, a butterfly is a symbol of transformation." the interest made Kaidan turn to look at Liara who was now explaining about butterflies: "Butterflies metamorphose from egg to a full grown butterfly. The butterfly symbolises this war: we are in an egg, shielded from outside world, not knowing the destruction that is coming our way. When we find about this evil, we emerge from our egg and fight our way to live as a tiny larvae until we have enough experience. We win, but the feelings of hurt and destruction is around us. We turn to cocoons, shielding us from hurt, but after some time, as the world around us rebuilts itself, we rebuild ourself and emerge into a beautiful butterfly. The beautiful future. What Shepard brought us was a new, beautiful and safe future." The quietness filled the room after Liaras explanation. No one knew what to say, but that was true. Nessa had brought them a better future where they could raise their children in in total harmony, without the fear of the destruction of everything. Nessa was his buttefly too. Kaidan had also changed through the time they were together. Nessa had changed everyone for better. Something wet rolled down his cheek and he wiped it fast so no one would notice it. Liaras warm hand was Kaidans and she looked up to him crouched in front of him.

"Kaidan.." Her voice reached him as he looked at her. "In Ancient Greek mythology Psyche is often represented in the form a butterfly. The love story of Psyche and Cupid was the most romantic story of their time. They had love an passion, but they also had alot of obstacles." She ran her thumb on top of his hand and smiled. "How did the story end?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"They married and lived their life happily." That soothed him. "You will reunite soon, Kaidan. She will even fight from Gates of Hell to return back to you." The memories of her came to mind.

* * *

_Shepard was sleeping in his arms, her back to his chest. His arm was under her neck, holding her small, calloused hand in his. His other arm was across her, on her stomach. To him, this was perfect. He just watched as her body moved with every breath. For the first time he could see her butterfly tattoo on her skin that covered her shoulder blate. It was full orange hue's, with tiny white spots on the edges of it's wings, bigger on the top. The butterfly was as beautiful as the owner. He pressed a small kiss on the tattoo. Her body moved slightly and she looked at him over her shoulder. _

"_Can't sleep?" She murmured, sleep in her voice._

_"I'd rather not sleep and watch you sleep all night." He smiled, kissing her ear. "I'm sorry I woke you, go to sleep babe."_

"_Mm... don't worry, I wasn't that tired anyway." She said, but he could see a mile away she was._

"_What's with the butterfly tattoo?" He asked. There was a silence on her part and he thought she might have already fallen asleep._

"_It's a Tropical Queen or by a common name called The Soldier." she mumbled sleepily. That was surprising. A soldier butterfly, but it was so fitting her. The soldier who had the beauty and gracefulness of a butterfly._

_"I always asked my mum why she gave me my name. I hated it when I was little. She told me that my name meant Butterfly in Ancient Greek. She knew my future hold bigger things, but she also wanted me to transform into something bigger, stronger. Even though the butterflies are vulnerable, they bring big changes in the life around them. That's what my mother told me, but I don't believe her." He smiled._

"_That's not true Nessa, you already have brought much changes. You just don't see them." He said kissing her hair. The rhythm of her breath calmed down again and she had fallen asleep._

_"I love you.." was whispered in her ear and then he also fell asleep and dreamed of butterflies surrounding him._

* * *

Kaidan didn't know how long he had sat there in his own mind, but one thing was clear: it was dark outside and he was alone in the room. With a migraine starting to form in his head, he crawled in his bed and fell asleep clutching his head in a fetus position and sobbing himself to sleep.


	6. The Failing Heart

**Writers notes: So ehh, I'm posting 3 more chapters. The time is soon. Now if I could get my brain thinking about what would happen next and quit playing DA2 (I need to replay it before the incoming DA:I. EHHHHH!)**

* * *

The smell of rotting bodies were getting stronger around her. Nessa needed to move away from the smell, before she would suffocate in them, but she couldn't. Something was keeping her down, something heavy. The smell was going to suffocate her if she didn't act quickly. She had to reach a place with clean air to survive. With the final power surge she had, she pushed the heavy thing away from her body and gasped for fresh air. The smell eased, but the smell of rotten flesh was still there. Her knees were weak, but she managed to stand up looking around her surroundings. Something familiar was standing in the distance, she could see it in the corner of her eye. A tall building. Turning that way, she started running towards the building only to trip into something and falling on the ground. Something hard had been on her way. Nessas feet were sore, but she managed to stand up and see what she had tripped in: A krogan body. A little yelp escaped her mouth. What made her yelp, wasn't only the body of a krogan, it was the whole Krogan species dead on Tuchanka. Bodies after bodies rotting.

"But.. Mordin cured the genophage" Nessa whispered quietly, her eyes wide from the sight. What she had to do now is run to The Shroud and look for Mordin for answers. Her feet started running before she even noticed that they were moving. Running faster and faster, she reached The Shroud and had to run up the endless flight of stares.

"Mordin?" her voice was loud as she opened the door. "Mordin?"

Nessa could see the movement of Professor Mordin Soluses movements on the far side of the room. "Commander, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here!"

"Why didn't you save Tuchanka, why didn't you save The Krogan from genocide?" tears were streaming down her face "Wrex, Grunt, all of them, its my fault they are dead." she whispered.

"Commander.." Mordin put his hands calmly on her shoulders. "I did save them. The fears are all in your head. You're imagining all of it."

"Mordin..?"

"_Oh god, her heartbeat is slowing rapidly!" _A nervous voice shouted. Nessa looked around.

"What was that Mordin? What is happening?" She shook Mordin violently.

"Listen to me Commander. You are not dead, but you are on the edge of death, in Limbus. You need to fight the death to return to people who need you."

"_Oh god, her heart is failing.."_

"Nessa, don't die, don't leave your mother and me.."

_"Oh god, Nessa..."_

The sobs of her parents filled The Shroud. "Mordin, why should I live, I have done my job, I want to rest from all it." Nessa pressed her hand on forehead.

"_She's seizuring, bring 5mg of lorazepam and the paddles, NOW!" _a familiar womans voice yelled.

"Miranda..?"

"Look, I don't have much time. The Shroud will blow up and I will die in your mind too. You need to fight, you don't what you are missing, you need to live, people believe in you." the shouts were getting more and more quiet by the minute.

"_Shepard, fight... People are waiting for you, you can't give up.. remember your family.. your crew.. remember Kaidan.. he's waiting for you to awake.." _The tears were flowing again on her cheeks. She tilted to see Mordin, but he was gone.

"_Her heart stopped! Start the heart message..!"_

"I'm going to die, aren't I..?" Shepard smiled as the control room in th Shroud blew up around her, the firestorm burning her body to crisp.


	7. The Shepard Mark

**Current location: Leonov Alliance Base, Moscow, Russia 3 months later.**

"So how is your N7 training going, James?" Kaidan asked as he was hitting the punching bag which James were holding steady.

"Eh, same old, same old. Sometimes it feels just so boring. Too much studying, too little free time. I really wish I could take a gun in my hand and shoot something, but that _tonto del culo _keeps telling us: With great power comes great responsibility." with every inch of his body, Kaidan tried not to laugh, but ended laughing loudly.

"He sounds like a nice guy. I should ask someone to promote him." Kaidan grinned and continued to hit the punching bag.

"I miss Lola.." The heavy sigh that left from James' body is what stops Kaidan from punching, picking up the towel from the bench and wiping his sweaty face, but he doesn't say anything, just keeps looking on the ground. He has so many questions unanswered, no one answers him when he has asked around. No one tells him. Kaidan felt so helpless, not able to help her anyway. He's fidgeting, touching his fingers feeling another migraine coming from thinking. The loud steps stop his thinking process, they're coming from outside the room. People are shouting, but it's hard to understand what the yelling is all about until the people reach the door of the gym.

"_You can't go there..!"_ the loud, but nervous voice of Doctor Lebedev reaches the ears of 2 men in gym.

"_Like hell I won't be going!"_ Another loud voice is yelling. The voice isn't familiar, but it holds certain authority in it. Kaidan stands up to see what's happening. A tall man, in his dress blues is arguing with Dr. Lebedev. The stripes on his shoulders indicate he's an admiral of alliance, but something about his face seems familiar. His sea blue eyes were very deep, but showed tremendous pain in them, his curly brown hair was messy probably from hurrying here. There was a birth mark under his left eye.

* * *

"_Oh this.. it's the Shepard mark.." Nessa murmured pointing the birth mark under her left eye as she was brushed her still wet hair._

"_Shepard mark? Looks like a normal birth mark to me." Kaidan teased, as he was laying in her bed fresh from the shower, watching her carefully._

"_Oh no, its not a normal birth mark. The bearer of the Shepard mark has magical powers. Only true Shepards have it under their left eye." she said in overly dramatic voice._

"_Ooh, the great Vanessa Shepardini, awe me with your magical powers." He said, grinning as he stoop up to sit._

"_For my first trick.." She didn't finish her sentence as her towel that was wrapped around her dropped on the ground. The stare that Kaidan was giving was priceless as she walked towards him, swaying her hips._

_"..Magic does excist.."he murmured as he took on of her nipples in his mouth._

* * *

The door slammed open, and the Admiral entered room with the doctor behind him. Both men stood up and saluted him as did the Admiral.

"At ease men." Admiral said with his deep voice full of authority.

"Admiral Shepard, what do we owe the honor of you being here?" Asked Kaidan, fidgeting his fingers.

"Call me Theo, Kaidan.. May I call you Kaidan?" Admiral asked. Kaidan gulped and nodded his head to approve. "Right now I'm not here as an Admiral, but as a father of my very sick daughter Vanessa." The blood from Kaidans' face disappeared and he turned pale. The look on Theo's face showed concern. "Son, we need to go see Nessa." he said. "I need my daughter to get better, but she needs you to get better, so I'm taking you with me." Kaidan looked up at Admiral Shepard, his lips slightly in a smile. He pressed his hand on Kaidans shoulder, gripping it fatherly. "Go pack your bags, we're leaving." Kaidan nodded and started jogging, with James behind him. The doctor's voice was drowned with a command of Admiral Shepard and couple of cuss words.


	8. The Painful Truth

_**Don't read beyond this point if you are weak hearted. This chapter seriously has a lot of medical stuff and really bad stuff. I'd say, skip this and wait for the next part. If not, you have been warned. (Thank you for the reminder Guest. And yes, of course there will be rebuilding, slowly but surely.)**_

* * *

_**February 3rd, 2186 (File last time updated April 3rd, 2186)**_

_Patient: Vanessa Ann Shepard_

_D.o.B: April 11th, 2154_

_Service no. 5923-AC-2826_

_Rank: Lieutenant Commander_

_Parents: Admiral Theodore Steven Shepard and Rear Admiral Hannah Natalie Shepard_

_Notable mentions: Spectre, Savior of Universe_

_Attending Physician: Dr. Miranda Lawson_

_**Injuries/Symptoms:**_

_Patient was found under the ruins of Citadel 5 days after the Crucible was activated. It was a miracle she had survived this long without help. Upon bringing the patient to the hospital, patient was unconcious and barely breathing. Her heartbeat was weak. Seeing her body, over 40% of her skin was covered in 3rd decree burns. Checking her other vitals, her right eye's pupil was dialated. Intracranial pressure showed a spike in her brain. After further examination, the reason of her not breathing was a punctured lung. Patients abdomen was swollen and after checking it with an ultrasound, we saw that her kidney was raptured. We had invited Dr. Taryn De Luca, a gynaecologist for her opinion and she confirmed that patient was 4 week pregnant with a child. The child unfortunately had died in utero. _

_**Update:**_

_Patient has been suffering from seizures and her heart has been stopping often._

_**Done operations:**_

_Patient has been operated multiple times. Piece of her skull has been removed to let the ICP neutralize and the bleeding has been staunched in her brain. After removing the raptured kidney and fixing her punctured lung, we remove the fetus and stitch her up. We will still continue doing skin grafts on her. Currently we have skin grafted 20% of her skin._

_**Update:**_

_After her heart started stopping, we had no choice but leave her open on her side, so it could be easier to massage her heart if it would stop again._

_**Current state: **_

_The patient is in induced coma and has been hooked in a ventilator for 2,5 months now._

_**Prognosis:**_

_With current medical knowledge it is a miracle she's still here among us. The damage in the brain is what worries me. We will see what damage it has done when she comes to. That is, if she comes to._

_**Signed:**_

_Attending Physician Miranda Lawson._

_April 3rd, 2186_

* * *

The words in the Shepard's chart on his on his omni-tool flashed before his eyes and were blurred by the incoming tears. He had to shut it, because the headache he got from the first word he had read were getting much worse.

"I.. I should have stayed instead of her. It should have been me who would have destroyed the Crucible. If she would have not been hurt.. her child.. our child would have been born healthy and grown to be strong." His hand hides his face as he sobs quietly. A strong arm wraps around Kaidans shoulder.

"Son, what would you think if Shepard was in your position right now, mourning for you. You wouldn't feel too good either, you would be worried too."

The sobs don't stop, but quiet a bit.

"You both are still young, you will have many chances for a child. Right now, we need to get Nessa back." Kaidan nods, but tears roll down his cheeks the whole long flight from Moscow to Vancouver.


End file.
